Breaking News...

Service Optional

As you are toiling away in your food service job, working two shifts to pay off your student debt and pay your rent, by slinging salad plates to well-heeled diners, keep a sharp eye out for these six faces.

They may not be wearing black robes but since their spouses are pulling in the big bucks in the connections game they will have the same smug smiles. Thanks to them you can refuse to serve them or even spit in their salad bowls as you place them on the table as either action is firmly rooted in your religious beliefs. You reign Supreme because of them. Furl your cape over your shoulder and shout "Hallelujah!"

A Federalist yell do tell.


Cruelfella DeSantis, not content with picking fights with mice, goofy dogs, books, underpaid educators, librarians, and people fleeing from death and starvation, has decided to ramp up his fight on abortion. Six weeks be damned.

When asked about his Cruelmeter score versus Donald Trump he said his 3.25" mushroom looms over the 3" Trumpian mushroom reported by Stormy Daniels. By his decree no males with mushrooms over 3" will be allowed in Woke-Free Florida. In addition, no condoms beyond peanut size will be allowed to be sold in Florida.

DeSantis reasons peanut sized condoms slip off easily anyway resulting in more teenage pregancies and males with mushrooms bigger than his is a sure metric of a woke liberal.

Florida where crops of tiny mushrooms flourish...and pea brained leaders lead the charge to a magic kingdom.

Got Wood?


Kevin married his highschool sweetheart and then the aphrodisiac of power let his wood stray. Now Kevin can sleep with the wood that he so coveted..It stays hard and ready while Kevin sniffs Nancy's scent, cuddled up at night, dreaming of banging his gavel.

5th Avenue

Anyone walking down 5th Avenue in NYC could shoot Donald Trump and no one would care and nothing would happen to them.

Hammer Time

Donald wasn't in the room. He never packed up the hammer. Yes he did.

Playbook...They all have the same Playbook.

Demonize the them in cattle cars and ship them off...Ban school books...Raid the houses of people who expose your attempt to hide the truth with your secret police...Kill off your citizens to make them free. Doing his bidding will set you free from who knows whom.

Seen this one before...This time cloaked in some sort of sanctimonious Christian manifest destiny. Destined for greatness by some God Almighty. Be aware.

All of this from a former Naval Officer, sworn to protect the Constitution, just like Steve Bannon. Was this taught in the Academy? Thumbscrews 101.

You Just Cannot Make This Stuff Up

Known Chinese and Russian spies having free reign at Mar-a-Lago.

Former CIA Case Officers saying we must assume the worst....going back 5+ years.  Interpreters and photographers banned. Human and intercept data given to the Russians behind closed doors.

If you had gone through a lengthy training in spycraft with your DIAM 58-11 manual (DoD HUMINT Policies and Procedures) you saw this coming before Trump was elected. He is / was the perfect target for witting or unwitting recruitment. Absolutely perfect.

Wait for the Broadway play, marquee pried from a former Trump property. Act 4 scene 2: The Orange jumpsuit hanging on a cold shower stall cake flotsam headed for the drain.

Graham predicts ‘riots in streets’ if Trump is prosecuted over classified records

Rule of Law and this Air Force lawyer are at odds.  He is probably expecting (not!) a few rioters for his upcoming grand Jury testimony in his own Georgia election meddling.

The next time around will be no cake walk for flag waving, red hatted, false patriots. It's always easy to deal with rioters when you channelize them into a L-shaped ambush. Overwhelming force tends to soil camo underwear and tactical store bought costumes.

"There goes the South for a generation," LBJ supposedly said as he signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 into law--and history has proven him dead right on that.

He was off by more than one.

New Breeding Stock

Tucker Carlson, Ron Desantis, and Greg Abbot have signed up their daughters to provide comfort to the abused Russian soldiers busy freeing Ukraine from the Nazis.

SCOTUS...Remaking Of

The goal is not Roe v. Wade

The goal is not gun Control and “2nd Amendment"

The goal is not Gay / Lesbian Transgender hysteria

The 30+ years goal is to completely undo the social safety net i.e. Social Security and any entitlements post Great Depression. FDR.

That is the goal…all the hot points are only a strategy to abolish and defund the safety net. Change the courts bottom to top.

And do it quickly now because the country has changed.

That has always been the goal…and the 30% and most of the rest does not understand this and would not believe it if if was scribed on the golden tablets that were misplaced long ago. The education system has failed. Six hours a day looking at smart phones insures the populace never will.

Back to the coal mines. Get your carbide lamps and canary in a cage ready. Trudge onward.

7 Spineless Cowards and One Brave Man

Texas Taliban

Get out the stones...It's open season on half the population. Unlike deer season this goes on 24-7/365. Legally sanctioned by God-Fearing agents of Righteousness. Lets the blood flow to appease our overlords. Dear season.

Kill the MF

Play Book

Both hid in bunkers. Adolf commited suicide ...Donald just hid. We can all hope Donald will take step 7.

Average Joe...Not!

Joe Manchin's West Virgina Yacht:“The 1,500 square feet of interior living space embrace 3 1/2 bedrooms (including a 14-by-20-foot master suite), 3 1/2 bathrooms, and a bright and open living/dining area (complete with a granite dining table) where the DeLanceys  (former owner) have comfortably entertained as many as 50 people to watch a Blue Angels air show or the colorful start of major yacht races on the bay.”

A perfect place to entertain his energy lobbyists and contributors...Joe gets millions as does his son from a Coal brokerage he set up...Go figure this: Joe votes down Build Back Better Infastructure legislation that had a comprehensive program to benefit coal workers... but Joe only cares about himself and his Coal Industry big wigs. Fuck the workers.

Energy Company Strategists like those from Exon Mobil work on strategy like this: They feed Joe a progressive agenda that Joe supposedly "authors"...and leading Democrats figure Joe is on their side on voting and infastructure...then the second part of the strategy kicks in: Joe wants cuts and ammendments stretching out the scenario...Pundits say a deal is nearer yet just out of reach...Then the third part of the startegy kicks in i.e. the orignal intent not to support anything that could influence taxes or industry regulation kicks in with a no, no vote.

Mission accomplished. And you thought the only thing that happens on luxury houseboats was drunken debauchery . No, it is far more dangerous/


Joe has dental and health multiple pensions and investments (Look it up)...His constituents have zilch and Joes votes to make sure they don't get it. Energy profits and campaign coffers "trump" any aid to those he represents.

Of course grifting is the family business as epitomized by Manchin's daughter Heather Bresch ,the former Mylan CEO, engineering the Epipen pricing scandal.

Average Joe. Not! It's his entire family in it for the money. It has nothing to do with Duty, Honor, or Country.

West Virginia...rural constituents...educated by FOX News...Went Trump in 2016. Joe a Democratic Senator, former Governor, in a largely Republican State. Right in the middle where he can work both ends...nothing for West Virginians.

Black Guns Matter

Effectively immediately all 17 year old persons of color are being issued 9mm MODEL 47 Glocks and concealed carry permits.

Republican politicos were screaming for Justice Roberts to immediately rule only Whites could pull triggers.

An informal poll with 17 year old Black males who just received their new Glocks showed them to be non-plussed..."We've been busting caps in people's asses for big deal as we already have AK's and the camo underwear White boys run for their mother when the shit starts."

Another 17 year old stated..."Shit, we'll be at all the polling places handing out water and ammunition."

Brett Kavanaugh Signature Coat Hanger

Micro laser-etched with Brett's instructions on bed pinning and beer bingeing...You know it's authentic as "I liked Beer. I still Like Beer " is etched on the hook.

25 May 2017...One Punch Would Have Ended this BS

25 May 2017: Years of getting away with this shit could have been ended with one punch or a swift elbow.

Being polite to bullying, insecure, cowards does not pay off. Deck the draft-dodging motherfuckers.

This is a guy who paid $130,000.00 for 30 seconds of Pez-rated sex and is trying to overcompensate with lifts in his shoes, extra long ties and leaning forward on his tippy toes.

At least General Mathis resigned and did not refer to him as President...and General Miley held him in check. Some people have balls.

Florida Covid Hotbed..20,000 cases a day

Wealthy Republican donor enclaves getting COVID vaccinations before general public. Wealthy Republican donors flying in from out of state in private jets for vaccination parties.

DeSantis threatens to hold back funds to schools if they mandate masks.  Open up everything... bars, parks, businesses, events...No masks required! Load up the Disney Cruise ships because it's all a Magic Kingdom in Republican-led Floridaland...Penalizing businesses that require masks.

Almost 70,000 COVID Florida deaths... Well they probably had pre-existing conditions, or they were liberal Democrats. We Republicans eat oranges in Florida so we are protected.

The Wealthy Republican donors' kids are all in private schools where the Governor has no plans to threaten teachers...Not on your campaign contribution life.

It's OK to kill if you have future ambitions. In a bout of twisted logic DeSantis stated "Nobody's trying to get ill here". Not in his home.

His family is safe, far, far away in a gilded land where money flows and reality is held in check at the door....the door to alternate reality...Mar A Lago.

Florida has half the population of California and just about as about as many COVID deaths....DeSantis mathematics...dead bodies...about 35,000 dead because of his ambition.

My Daddy and Mommy Lie to Protect Us

My Mommy and Daddy have had their Covid vaccinations but they can't tell anybody...We promised not to tell anyone or we would not get to go on Montana fishing trips. Daddy chose Montana as it was far far away from liberals and colored people who, Daddy says, engineered and spread the virus to kill blessed families like ours.

Daddy says we have to keep his vaccination quiet as he wants a raise so he can earn as much as Sean Hannity...then we can go on more vacations. I love my Mommy and Daddy. I want to grow up just like them so I can lie to make things better.

Six scheduled for deportment to the Ukraine to greet Putin's well-behaved Russian Soldiers in need of Tucker's wisdom and comfort whilst hunting Nazis.

I'm so Proud of My Daddy

I'm so proud of my Daddy. He's a patriot who loves his country and is working hard to keep it great by restricting some people's right to vote.You know, keeping the people who do not look just like my Mommy and Daddy from turning our great country into some god awful, mixed race, rainbow version of Communism.

I say my prayers at night, just like my Daddy taught me, asking to Jesus to protect us from the Blacks, Hispanics, Jews, and the blood drinking, pedophile Democrats.

God Bless America. Protect  Donald! (whispering).

Amazon Pays No Taxes

Jeff Bezos Super-Yacht. It’s said to be worth approximately $500M.

Bezos’s new yacht is called the Flying Fox, built and designed in Norway in 2019 by the well-known yacht building company – Lurssen Yachts.
The Super Yacht is the 14th largest yacht on Earth, boasting 136 meters in length. Designed by the award-winning designer Espen Oeino, the Flying Fox features a stunningly eye-catching hull, as well as the interior. A bridge has to be taken down just to get it out of it's shipyard...angering the meaningless local population.

It’s worth mentioning that the Flying Fox is built with a large pool area on the main deck, a cine, two helipads, a spa, a gym, a sauna, and a massage area. All these features add tremendous comfort the guests encounter allows them to forget the world day-to-day problems, fully immerse into the yacht’s luxurious environment and have a whale of a relaxing time.

As you sweat day to day Jeff will be off building his $42,000,000.00 ten thousand year clock inside a mountain and playing with Blue Origin rockets. Prime Time for sure. Caress your next Amazon Prime cardboard box. You may be living in it. Don't expect an invite to the Flying Fox from Jeff or Lauren.

Moscow Mitch Threatens US Business

Moscow Mitch, in a continuing bit to subvert Democracy, Putin-Style, now threatens US Corporations who oppose voter supression laws.

Yes...This is America, the land of the free and the home of the brave where storming the US Capitol, voter intimidation, gerrymandering, double-down hypocracy and a legislative agenda dating back to Newt and Grover of scorched earth policies to hold onto power is the norm. It's not about the USA anymone.

Moscow Mitch: Acquit, Appoint, and now threaten. Felony for giving bottled water away. If you drink Coca Cola, fly Delta, or use an Apple computer he is coming for you.

Golden False Prophet

I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.

But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed. And in their greed they will exploit you with false words. Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.

Stormy Daniels says she can identify the underwear by the pea-sized bulge and the stains from the gold cum orange makeup.

Trump's Playbook

In case you thought gaining political control through relentless lies (30,000 plus) , bigotry, cruelty, attacking and degrading others, making fun of people with disabilties etc. was only for the book burning Nazis...well Bippi, it wasn't. Turns out that just under 40% of the populace buys into the Big Lie. Who knew?

Guess it was there all along...just below the surface until it was given the OK to murder and to maim.

In case you plan on logically, even with hard facts, changing your "ex-friends" on their acceptance of the Big Lie, we will save you the trouble...Forget it. Propaganda works.

"We've gotta move these color TV's".

Everything Trump Touches Dies (Rick Wilson)...How true

Six deaths from breaching the Capitol including police officer suicides. Trump does nothing to stop the assault that he initiated.

Trump retreats to Mar A Lago to eat chocolate cake and cheeseburgers. Going on 1,000,000+ dead, perhaps as many as 1,200,000 counting the unreported, from nonexistent Trump Administration COVID-19 planning. Exceeds the Civil War death toll, the most in American history. He cares not. Maybe 30% could have been saved...but not with Donald recklessly infecting his Secret Service Agents in Limo rides.

Jared Kushner, Senior Adviser to Trump..."Let the Blue States die from the pandemic"...then exits NYC to Florida and buys a $30,000,000.00 location in Billionaire's Row. A Jewish slum landlord from New York who apparently whole heartedly endorses, along with Stephen Miller, mass incarceration of refugees in cages and separation of children from their parents along with assorted acts of cruelty. These two Nazis were last seen with their gilded pliers planning to extract gold teeth from immigrants.

Time for the tables to turn on these motherfuckers. Lawyer won't do you any good this time. Prosecutors will do their job.

Knock Knock

Knock Knock

Who's there?


Trump who?

See...You've already forgot

Priority One

He attacked our country.  Day one priority .... Splash his ass. Dump everything we have on him and his cronies and his crime syndicate. Unleash the darkness we hold in strategic reserve. Sanction everything and everyone he holds dear. Pull the trigger on his hired thugs, paramilitary and oligarch enablers.

Attack the USA and we'll waste your fucking ass.

Pillow Guy Wants Martial Law Declared....Boycott

Mega donor to Trump goes to White House post Capitol Invasion to convince Trump to declare Martial Law to stay in power.

You cannot make this stuff up. Don't buy this hucksters products and send him to Third World Country where he does not have the freedom to get to the powers in charge so he can get his taxes lowered even further and keep gouging the public on his 1300% markups for his crumbled foam $3.00 pillows.

He will be sued into oblivion.

Capitol Invaded by Trumpies

Donald Trump invites Demonstrators to protest election results...Incites riot to trash Capitol. Riot ensues. Five people dead. World watches.

Result: Trump banned from Twitter for 12 hours....then permanently.

Yeah this is a perfectly OK penalty. Not.


Mike Pence, the COVID-19 Task Force leader, who did zip to protect us from COVID, and refused to wear a mask along with his AWOL President, is  given what he thinks is a Pfizer vaccination...He actually was given a Placebo because, as the lab technician stated later, " Let the butt-licking hypocrite pray for herd immunity".

Sociopath Defined

1. Doesn't respect social norms or laws. They consistently break laws or overstep social boundaries.
2. Lies, deceives others, uses false identities or nicknames, and uses others for personal gain.
3. Doesn't make any long-term plans. They also often behave without thinking of consequences.
4. Shows aggressive or aggravated behavior. They consistently get into fights or physically harm others.
5. Doesn't consider their own safety or the safety of others.
6. Doesn't follow up on personal or professional responsibilities. This can include repeatedly being late to work or not paying bills on time.
7. Doesn't feel guilt or remorse for having harmed or mistreated others.



Money for Nothing...Flags for Free

Lindsey Graham retires as a Reserve Air Force Colonel. These days he'd lick a dead dog's ass to keep his job.

During his first decade in Congress, the Air Force promoted Graham twice even though documents in his military personnel file reveal that he did little or no work. Later, the Pentagon gave the military lawyer a job assignment in the Air Force Reserve that he highlighted in his biography for several years but never performed.

After he was first elected to the House of Representatives in 1994, Graham was designated by the Air Force Reserve as a “key federal employee,” a category for a small number of lawmakers and senior government officials.

Over the next 10 years, he rarely put on his uniform. According to his personnel file, between January 1995 and January 2005 he received credit for a total of 108 hours of training — the equivalent of less than a day and a half per year.

During that span, however, the Air Force kept awarding him promotions. In 1998, he attained the rank of lieutenant colonel in the Judge Advocate General’s Corps. Six years later, he was promoted to colonel by President George W. Bush.

In interviews with The Washington Post, Graham called that period the “wilderness years” of his military service. He said he struggled to find a useful niche in the Reserve and that his legislative duties left him little time to devote to his military career.

“At one time I almost thought about getting out because I felt like, okay, what am I doing here?” he said.

He added, “I didn’t feel guilty because I wasn’t getting any money.” As a key federal employee, he could earn points for a military pension but was ineligible for a service paycheck.

Even so, Graham said his promotions to lieutenant colonel and colonel were warranted. He said he earned them primarily based on his work as a junior officer, before he became a politician, when he served as a full-time military prosecutor and defense counsel.

“I think when it came to being Colonel Graham that they looked at my entire record, and I’ll put it up against anybody who’s ever served,” he said. “I don’t mean to pat myself on the back, but I was one hell of a judge advocate.

“Yeah, I think I deserved promotion.”

The arrangement benefited both sides. Graham emphasized his ongoing military service in his political campaigns, while the Air Force was grateful to have an influential lawmaker in its ranks.

Note: You cannot be promoted to Lieutenant Colonel without going to Command and General Staff College; You cannot be promoted to Colonel without attendance to the War College... Lindsey Graham did neither. How did he do it ?...He got the rules changed.

How to Subvert Democracy in Six Easy Steps


The funny thing is there is a common denominator for all six of these enablers...Money. Not Country, not duty, not honor (they have none)...Just money.

In the case of Wm Barr, well he was already worth $20,000,000.00,  so he auditioned and got his chance to show his true colors.

And you thought your Constitution and the rule of law would protect you. Not when it comes to self $$$$$ interest.

Mark and Sheryl

Why are these two wealthy people smiling. Well, they take anyone's money and sell your tracks to the highest bidder like Russian FSB Troll farms and then try to hide the fact or do nothing.

24,000 deaths in the Rohingya / Myanmar (Burma) massacre fueled by Social Media...And Only Five deaths in the storming of the US Capitol...But who is counting...except the stock price.

You know, they are no different than Donald Trump, except Mark has more money and Sheryl writes books telling you how to run your life.

It works for them. Not exactly in the JFK mold about "Ask not what your country can do for you..."

In 2014, the Facebook CEO and founder picked up a 750-acre tract on the Hawaiian island of Kauai for $100 million. The purchase included two adjacent parcels: the $66 million Kahu’aina Plantation—a 357-acre former sugarcane plantation with 2,500 feet of oceanfront and a working organic farm—and 89.2% of Pila’a Beach, a 393-acre property with a white-sand stretch. He then tried to keep the locals off his property.

Military service...That is for chumps.

One Down Two to go


Untold millions from spewing bombastic propaganda. All that money can't cheat reality. There is some justice. Light up...There's more money to be made.

Rupert gets to breathe Jerry Hall's secondhand smoke.

Mae West Edition Harley

Harley, knowing that two big ones gets the attention of their demographic male customer base, opted for two 38DD radiators to cool a couple of puny exhaust valves. Dubbed internally as the "Mae West" Project it also keeps the frilly fins that so excites their customers. All the rubber hoses, slippery lubricant and the electric vibrating pump that comes with it further adds to the appeal.

Harley Predator Drone

Inspired by the new remote controlled video game warfare where you rule the skies and still get home for dinner, Harley Davidson introduces the new Harley Predator Drone, the ultimate in touring reality. Intially conceived as a way around Helmet laws, but viewed as too expensive until the Bush tax cuts for the uber wealthy were extended, the Harley Predator Drone allows the owner to go to Sturgis or Daytona without even a truck and trailer. A Harley spokesperson said it was really going to cut into boot and chaps sales but the exorbinant price more than makes up for it.

George Smith Sr. Spinning in Grave

Hitting a speed where pushrods snap and stroker cranks fly apart the late George Smith Senior must be spinning in his grave with the recent announcement that his Grandson and former S&S Cycle President Brett Smith has assumed the position as head of Baja Motorsports U. S. operations. Baja Motorsports sells Chinese powersports equipment through outlets like Pep Boys.

Pundits hope that the leadership that Brett brought to S&S Cycle will carry over to his Chinese made imports...anything to help the trade imbalance between China and the United States.

Virtual Life, Virtual Reality, Virtual Sales

Declining motorcycle sales prompted an investigation by Frontline. First surveyed were older Harley Davidson owners and riders. Investigative reporters found a surprising result...The riders were not riding, but spending all their time on forums talking about riding and polishing their pen names and avatars. They spent so much time searching the net and posting their opinions on this and that, that they no longer rode their motorcycles. Futher investigation showed their children were staring at computer screens an average of three hours per day and their cell phones another five hours. The startling conclusion was that no one in the future would have any time to either work or ride, study, and, much less, buy motorcycles.

A Harley spokesman said they were looking to get into the video game business before it was too late.

1%ers Save Harley-Davidson...Welcome Mat is Back

Hard core bikers always kept Harley in business, that is, until the EVOs came out and the RUBs came in with their easy money from 2nd and 3rd mortgages...Buy a boat this week and a Harley the next. Bags full of money and loads of accessories, chrome do-dads, and fringed clothing meant the 1%ers were no longer welcome. Guys who wear colors don't buy Willie G Jackets and they might just scare a few squeaky-clean white collar criminals off. Panheads, Knuckleheads and, in 1966, the Shovelheads...Choppers were keeping the Harley name alive before the Gold Rush and gave the RUBs a personna to slide into when there was less oil on the floor. It's always easier when someone cuts the trail.

The RUB's are gone and the 1%ers are still here and they still have their Choppers but will drop coin on a full tilt Dresser. Broken bones, arthritis and long warm up periods for the body each morning means Choppers and FL's in the garage. No boats, no Maui trips, no Aspen ski trips just club meetings, runs, and dues to pay.

The phonies are gone but some things stay the same...and their money is good.

Citroen Motorcycle Spotted

Secret spy shot of new Citroen Motorcycle undergoing testing at an undisclosed desert location. Center hub steering, twin cylinder air cooled engine, and a unique leading arm swingarm. Front and rear suspension appear to be linked by a common suspension unit. One BMW engineer was shocked to see the new prototype saying "I thought we made the most bizarre engineered opposed twins...We're going to have to drop more acid!". James Parker who has made a career out of trying to invent or re-invent poorly engineered front suspensions that don't work wasn't available for comment. Commenting is popular profession these days. Refugee ELF engineers may have been spotted nearby.

Harley Shutters Buell Operations

After a 26 year odyssey of surrounding a Sportster engine with "innovations" like perimeter brakes, speed bump catching mufflers and backward acting shocks, as well as many expensive components, someone finally woke up at Harley and said "Why in the heck are we giving him millions of dollars to make Sportsters....We already have warehouses full of them!". This revelation will come at a heavy cost to foreign suppliers of aluminum gas tank frames, expensive suspension components and braking systems who are now left out in the cold. It is rumored that an undercover investigation of Buell Operations intercepted an internal communique stating.."If they ever figure out we're just dressing up Sportsters we're done for".

It is speculated that the late move to the even poorer selling Austrian Rotax engined 1125R was an attempt to deal the pushrod legacy a final blow, rid the Buell name of any American components, and save the company from the inevitable. Alas, it was not be. It's back to Road Glides and chrome.

Harley Launches Recession Plan

With sales tanking 40% and dealers closing, Harley has come up with a foolproof plan to beat the recession that guarantees high margins and no dealer or warranty hassles. Relaunching their Military Eco Combat Multi-Purpose Green Machine (Acronym MEC-MPG), Harley is fast laying plans for new factories in non-union states to meet the demand. To quote one inside source..."Hell, they can blow up 25 of these for less than one HumVee". The Army is looking to save money on fuel costs and armor plating.

Xe (formerly Blackwater) secured a large no bid contract to supply the MEC-MPG for future conflicts they are already planning for. A Harley spokesperson was heard "We should have looked at the Federal Budget before and stopped filling warehouses with unsold Sportsters".

Muffler bearing removal and servicing.

Every 3000 miles, with regular oil changes, your muffler bearing must be serviced. The correct service tool is available from your Harley dealer (Part Number HD 5000-04-01). Failure to service your muffler bearing will first be evidenced by an audible squeak. Continued operation without proper maintenance will result in a seized muffler and improper engine operation. Only high temperature muffler bearing grease should be used (Part Number HD 5001-04-01).

Exhaust blues, man commits suicide.

A Florida man ended his life when he noticed his Harley exhaust system had turned blue. Apparently despondent, he left a suicide note saying he could no longer be seen in public with a blued exhaust and went on to state, since his vote was not counted in the last election, there was no reason to live. Friends were shocked at his death and one close friend stated he had only meant well when he recently told the man he could no longer ride with the Harley Owners Group with a blued exhaust.

Department of Homeland Security requires all Harleys be X-Rayed at Sturgis.

Sturgis has been designated a permanent Condition Orange area by the Department of Homeland Security. The secretary stated he had a “gut feeling” that radical extremists were targeting the Black Hills and that reliable information had been obtained that the attack would come on two wheels. All Harley riders visiting Sturgis are advised to procure lead lined chaps and vests.

Custom Paint jobs linked to Altzheimers.

A study by the Transportation Department has linked the onset of Altzheimers disease to custom paint jobs on Harleys. A Department Spokesperson stated they had noticed a loss of memory in people wandering around the country in store bought choppers. Further investigation showed the people had spent an inordinate amount of time touching, licking and fondling their custom paint jobs. Although a health warning has been issued, Department officials state more studies are necessary and that there may also be a link to watching reality TV shows.

Willie G diagnosed with retro virus.

Previous product introductions from Harley-Davidson led concerned parties to have Wille G examined by medical authorities. Doctors at the Mayo Clinic confirmed earlier suspicions that the famed designer had been infected with a Retro Virus. A spokesman stated “We saw earlier signs with the introduction of the quasi-hardtail Softail and later on the flags went up again with the introduction of the Springer front ends. A specialist stated "We thought he was virus free when the V-Rod was introduced".

However, the introduction of the Harley fat tired Rocker C model confirmed the Doctors worst suspicions. On close inspection the Rocker C was found to have a pull out rumble seat! The lead medical specialist stated” I am sad to say we won’t be seeing any more XLCR Cafe Racers, FXRs, or FLHT’s.”

The earlier killing off of MV Augusta and Buell probably meant the Retro Virus had entered Stage 4 with the Rocker C introduction.

Willie G has retired but now with the 2021 Electra Glide @$29,000.00 it seems the Retro-Virus is still infecting the Harley Factory.

Women declare longer front ends are not better.

A recent scientific study has shown women feel extended front ends do not bring more excitement or pleasure to their lives. Researchers sniffing pillion pads noticed a drop in female excitement in recent years. Scientists have noted women’s rear ends have been getting wider and this may be an indicator of the shift in the market from choppers to Dressers. Further study is required. Chopper manufacturers are worried and some have resorted to lower seating positions to put women in the driver’s seat.

Honda buys Harley...All employees are ordered to get tatoos.

Unable to crack the secret code, Honda simply bought Harley-Davidson. When Harley was unable to patent their distinctive “potato-potato” sound the Japanese sensed a weakness and simply waited for George Bush to push the country into a recession. Milwaukee executives were seen stuffing bundles of cash in their Lexuses and headed for Aspen. All Honda employees were required to get a tatoo from a list of authorized designs. The most popular was “Big Twin and Blue Fins” with a Charlie Tuna festooned with fishtails. In spite of predictions of wide employee defections over the matter, almost all employees immediately complied. Employees who were already tattooed Yakuza were exempted from the edict.

Warranties voided if Harley Air not used in tires.

Mandatory air checks are now required during routine service at all authorized Harley-Davidson dealers. Those found to have unauthorized air in their tires will have their warranties voided. A company service bulletin states however there will be a 30 day grace period for offenders to get their air exchanged. Industry analysts think Harley is determined to run aftermarket tire filling shops out of business. Lobbyists are rumored to have ear marked legislation making oem air mandatory in all vehicles.

Training wheels mandated by government.

A rash of new Harley owners falling over in parking lots around the country has prompted the government to mandate training wheels for all new big twin riders. No women are affected by the new ruling as they seem to be able to keep the paint up and the rubber down.

Secret hybrid Harley spotted.

Rumors of extension cords and short commuting range were proved wrong as spies have confirmed that the new hybrid Harley is actually powered by a large natural gas tank in a towed trailer with small electrical motors in each wheel hub. The propane tank is disguised as Honda Goldwing so the Harley owner does not have to have the indignity of being passed.

Early prototypes, disguised as Honda step throughs proved impractical. Electrical motors proved more reliable than methane propulsion.

Pot bellies linked to Harley use.

A government financed project monitoring traffic on the bridge to nowhere has linked obesity and large pot bellies to Harley ownership. Government studies conclude certain people no longer fit into their SUVs which were designed for 5’ 5” women and are migrating to Harleys. Alaska has ear-marked 200 million dollars for further research.

Harley designated official pace car for Indy 500...Drivers Protest.

This year’s Indy 500 will mark the end of the feud between CART and the IRL and will also be the the first time a Harley will be the official pace car. Drivers immediately protested saying the Harley is simply too slow and it might oil or leave debris on the track. The winner of the American Idol competition is to be the “Pace Car “ driver but a check of the contestants show none have a valid motorcycle license. Event organizers were unavailable for comment..

Sportster dresser spotted...Is the Big Twin Dead?

Recent spy shots have shown a full dress Sportster circulating on a secret test track. No further details were available at press time.

Jay Leno Scammed...I saw the pushrod tubes!

At a recent Barrett-Jackson Auction Jay Leno bought what he thought was a rare Willie G signature Harley only it turned out to be a Yamaha Road Star. Jay said..”I saw the pushrod tubes and it came with one of those Willie G fringed jackets I always wanted...boy was I stupid”. Jay liked the bike anyway because “the pushrod tubes are so big”...He was seen riding off on the Yamaha to take a look at a Duesenberg he found in a local barn.

Chrome accessories linked to bird attacks.

The proliferation of attacks by magpies and crows on chrome-adorned, customized Harleys has alarmed customizers, owners, and manufacturers. Actually it has been rumored for some time and may actually be the reason behind the sudden bankruptcy of Custom Chrome, a major purveyor of shiny bits and pieces for the aftermarket. Customized Harley owners have been advised to purchase flat black paint for their own protection. Harley unveiled a new Zero-Chrome FXST with full rider coverage to protect riders from airborne attacks.

New Knucklehead to replace M-8 models.

In a never-ending rash of innovation Harley-Davidson is to replace the M-8 models with Knuckleheads after cancelling an earlier program to replace Twin-Cams with Shovelheads.

It is speculated that the move was entirely predictable as the M-8's had more problems than the previous Twin Cams and Evolutions and it was a natural progression to build an even less powerful engine with more problems. A company spokesman stated that the engine's power was not a consideration as the bikes were just an excuse to sell clothing.

In a similar move S&S Cycle recently acquired Flathead Power, a purveyor of Knucklehead parts, and announced they would be selling clothes in partnership with TV star Jesse James. Industry watchdogs see a trend.

Harley Vibrations determined obscene Supreme Court Rules.

Chief Justice Roberts, stating in a 5 to 4 decision, "I know obscene vibrations when I feel them" ordered Harley-Davidson to install counter balancers in all their new motorcycles. The Department of Transportation attorney representing the Government presented tuna-scented seats that had been confiscated from late night bar raids as evidence. A Harley-Davidson spokesman said they had no choice but to comply, but Screaming Eagle vibrating seats would still be sold. Justice Roberts is a known proponent of four wheeled travel and has ties to mini-van makers.

Hydrogen Powered Car causes Bike Crash.

Like in a scene from a James Bond Movie, or perhaps a Mike Meyers sequel, water coming out the exhaust of hydrogen powered fuel cell zero emissions prototype car caused the violent crash of a California Highway Patrol Officer. At the scene of the crash the officer, bruised but not seriously hurt, said " I was in hot pursuit of the car because it was driving slowly and erratically with the driver apparently yelling into his cell phone when I hit the water trail...I didn't have a chance". Dyson is rumored to have a cyclonic hybrid water vacuum in the works.

New rear tire too wide for roads.

New 2500 series tires that exceed D.O.T. lane widths are causing turmoil in the aftermarket. The Fat Tire Bike Industry Council criticized the administration for not rebuilding the nation's crumbling infrastructure with wider lanes. An Industry spokesman stated that unless no-bid contracts were released to Halliburton/KBR the whole fat bike tire market could collapse. Roger B., a noted fat tire proponent, said his innovative brilliance was being stifled by the government’s inaction.